Final Thoughts - Not the last blog

Puh, this is difficult. How should I summarize or reflect on four months as different, interesting, challenging, and moving as the last four. Let me first mention that I have planned out a little good-bye party for the children for tonight (Monday Evening). We will eat Banana Cake and Watermelon together, they will surely do some of their program (dancing, singing, etc.) and then I will hand out my gifts. The Sisters and house employees will also each get a gift. I am planning to make it a raffle for the children where each child gets to draw a number. Then they will receive a small package with gifts, such as nail polish, lip-gloss, and some hair clips, or a bracelet, a necklace, and a hair band. I think it will be fun.

Okay, so now to my last four months. What shall I say? So much… but I want to start by thanking my family. Without them I could not have done it. No matter where I am in the world, I know they support me, they have my back, they give me strength in moments of weakness and difficulty, and they share my laughter as well as my tears no matter how far away. I also have some very good friends who often skyped me to see how I was doing, who read my blog, and who thought of me although they were busy managing their own lives so far away. Thank you all for supporting me, for making this trip possible, and for making me stick through it. You were also able to read about the baking, the playing, trip planning, etc. I did here. And once again all the credit for that has to go to my parents. I am tremendously grateful that they raised me the way they did, that they taught me all these things and that they are still living by example. You two are my role models. 

Life here was not always easy, but then again when is it ever easy? No matter where we are, we will face challenges every day, some might be bigger than others. Everything in life is relative. Time here seems to pass ten times slower than at home. Yet, of course it runs at the same speed everywhere. Prices here are ridiculously cheap (when you know where to go), however after a few weeks you get so used to it that spending a whole 7 Euro on one shopping trip seems outrageously expensive to you. People get used to so much so fast, and in some cases it is a good thing. We learn to cope with tragedies, we can handle bad times and difficult moments because we get used to the challenges after a while. I got used to so much here that I thought I would NEVER be able to handle. But it has always been that way: first I ignore the difficulties, second, I despise them and I get angry at a lot of the new circumstances. Third, I accept them and I try to cope with them. And finally, I arrange with them and I start living. Time keeps running no matter what you do. Sometimes it feels like the world is going to collapse and yet second by second, minute by minute, hour by hour, time continues to pass and soon your life looks different again.

And yet I think getting used to your environment can also be a bad thing. How often do you stop on your way to work or to school, to actually look around you and appreciate what you see? Do you notice the children playing outside in front of the houses, do you notice the old lady talking to a stranger at the corner of the street, do you notice that beautifully shaped tree in the neighbor’s garden? Probably not. We just rush by, we don’t look. We always have something else in mind, we never simply walk, watch, sit, or stand. (lesson learned: Take a break every now and then, Stop, look, listen, and appreciate what’s going on)

A beautiful tree in midst of stinky taxis

I must say I am a little bit proud of what I accomplished. I mean I wanted to quit during the third week already. But I made it, and I think I made it well. Considering that some of the other “Interns” left early, or went trekking or sightseeing for two full months, I think it was not the easiest thing to do. So I am proud. And yet, what am I proud of? That I was able to live here for four full months while others are growing up and living here their whole life, never complaining, without any kind of perspective? Well done Annika.

A lot of Noodles for a lot of children, served
by the lovely Roma! 

I am not sure I accomplished everything I wanted during the last four months. I had this idea of learning so many things, refining my character, adapting to different settings and cultures. Yet, I often feel that all I accomplished was getting to know myself a little better. I wasn’t able to help the way I intended to and I wasn’t able to improve any of my not so good traits, but at least I was able to get to know those traits a little better. And knowing what you are not capable of, is also a valuable thing I suppose.

Heera is my cuddle bear : )

Yes, I had a ton of great experiences, maybe a kilo of not so good experiences : ) I learned a lot about the culture, the people, about harmonizing with persons different from yourself,  about working with strangers, cooperating with people who barely understand you, about shutting up when it is expected of you. There are so many pictures, images, sounds, smells, voices, scenes that will forever stay in my memory. How could I forget the grandmother of my sponsored child hugging me tearfully? The little girl playing naked in cow feces? The rescued Kamalari girls singing a song about their freedom for me? The kindergarteners dancing for my brother and I in the Schönebeck Foundation School? The Karuna Kinderhouse kiddies kissing and hugging me, playing with me, laughing with me, crying with me…

I will never forget these things. And yet there is one thing that unfortunately weakened every experience. One thing that I missed so much. Something that would have made the last four months one thousand times better: a friend. A friend with whom I could have shared my feelings and thoughts. Sure, I talked to my family a lot and I told them about what I did. I blogged, and I kept a diary. And yet it is not comparable to some actually sharing an experience with you.

What good is it to see a wild tiger, to watch a monkey eat ice cream, to talk to former Kamalari, to spend a night at their hostel, to visit a poor community and to play with the children when there is no one there to share these experiences with you? What good is it to laugh or to cry when no one but you will remember it? Often, I had the feeling that seeing and experiencing all these things was great, but now I can only talk about them and talking is no good. I never had a second opinion, a second set of feelings or thoughts on a subject. It was always just me and my subjective point of view. And now that the events are over I cannot re-live them with someone else.

Here I was playing with Anil's family.
Anil is a Plan coworker who often accompanied me on the Makwanpur trips

And that is why I am so happy to go home now. I want to spend a lot of time with my family and friends. Doing whatever, but mainly just being with one another. In fact I am getting straight into a train to Salzburg, Austria at the Munich Airport.  I am taking my entire luggage on another short trip. I am visiting my parents and my little sister Lydia, who are currently there on vacation. I didn’t mention it before because it will be a surprise for my little sister.

Banana Cake for the kiddies

I intend to blog again next week. I want to show you some of the pictures of the goodbye party. So please check again. Now, however, I want to say thank you. Thank you to all of you who have shown interest in my life and experiences here. It really means a lot to me and I always felt the support! You are welcome to bother me with questions when I am back in Germany. In fact, you are encouraged. And I have over 5000 pictures to show : )

So let me end this blog with a quote covering exactly what I have learned in these last four months: )

“What you do in life is just one half of the equation, the other part, the more important part, is who you are with when you are doing it.”