Not to give and not to take - A different Social Contract and why it makes me so unhappy

With only two weeks left, I want to blog about something that has been constantly bothering me here the last three and a half months. “Why the heck, are all those Nepalese so rude??” I thought about it over and over again though the answer is very obvious: “No one is actually rude. Their behavior is perfectly normal to them; I only PERCEIVE it as rude.”

So the new question became: “Why do I perceive their behavior as so rude?” This question was a little bit harder to answer. Of course I also find some German or American people rude, but here I felt like the whole population was being absolutely impolite in so many aspects - what of course, is a sign that something is “wrong” with me, not with them.

Using my crude psychology, philosophy, and social science knowledge I tried to investigate :) and here is my very subjective finding: 

Random picture One: Heera coloring the Mickey Mouse
print-outs I brought to the Kinderhouse.

The problem is rooted in the different social contracts. A social contract is originally defined as: an intellectual device intended to explain the appropriate relationship between individuals and their governments; however it can also describe the relationships between common people. For example, in Europe, we give up a lot of rights to gain other rights in return. We have to give up our “right to harm others” in order to claim a right of personal security. We do not kill others, because we also do not want to be killed. (You get the point) 

These are big issues, but we also obey thousands of small agreements which make up our standard of conduct. When someone talks, you listen; when someone is crossing your way, you step aside; when you hurt someone, you apologize, etc.

We grow up learning these rules of conduct. We give up certain rights because we expect others to follow the social contract as well, which means we will earn some rights/freedom in return. However the social contract here is VERY MUCH different. 

Random picture Two: Spring fixing of the Kinderhouse Bicycles. 

·        You can spit wherever you want, however you have to accept that others can spit right in front of your feet or on your shoes as well

·        You can push, beat, pinch whoever you want, however you have to accept that others will push, beat and pinch you as well

·        You can take calls at any moment, however, others will also take calls in the middle of a conversation with you

·        You can yell into the phone as loud as you wish, but you have to accept that others will also yell into their phones right next to your ears

·        You can interrupt whoever you want, but you will also be interrupted frequently and people may not be listening to you

·        You can drive as crazy as you wish, however, you cannot complain whenever a car or motorbike drives by you just inches away from your body

·        You can stare as much as you want at other people, because they too will stare at you as long as they wish

·        You do not have to apologize when you step on someone’s feet or when you hit them with your bag, because they also won’t be apologizing when they hurt you

·        You have the freedom to laugh at anyone you wish, for any reason, because they will also laugh at you

·        You do not have to be concerned with others, because they also do not consider you

·        You can block as many seats in the bus as you wish, however you can also not expect others to move for you whenever you will need a seat in the bus

Random picture Three: The children dressed me in
the traditional Sari dress of the Nepalese women

·        You can scream at any time, but you have to accept that others will also scream loudly although you might want to sleep or take rest

·        You can make decisions for others as much as you wish, because also others won’t be asking your opinion about matters that concern you

·        You may be late for any appointment, because others will also be late and you would just be wasting your time

·        You can put in half effort at any work assignment, however you also cannot expect others to fully commit to anything

·        You may hold up a whole bus with a short shopping trip of yours, but you cannot complain when someone else is holding up the whole bus because she wants to buy some carrots

·        You can simply grab other people’s arms or shoulders to steady yourself, because also they will be holding onto you without permission

·        You may stop in the middle of the sidewalk at any time and without notice, because also others won’t consider the people coming after them and they will just suddenly turn around, or block the path

·        You do not have to take responsibility for your child bothering other people and pulling their hair, because also others do not pay attention to their children grabbing other people’s clothes, pulling their hair, or taking their bags

I could go on and on, but you get the picture. I really mean what I wrote here: you can push people, block them, grab them, interrupt them, stare at them, etc. and it is considered normal. No one will complain. People are used to having these freedoms while also accepting the accompanying limitations. 

Random Picture Four: Police patrol nearby the Constitution Assembly
building on Saturday (the supposed deadline for the new constitution)

However for me this social contract is unfair. I am used to giving up so many rights of mine that I am also doing it here: I do not bother other people, I try not to bump into others, I listen to them, do not take calls during meetings or meals, I don’t randomly laugh at them or stare at them. And what do I get in return? Nothing. That’s why it seems so rude and unfair to me. Of course, it is my decision to give up these rights, but I am just so used to following OUR social contract that this social contract seems very much impolite to me.

Summarizing, I noticed that I have been so unhappy and discontent here because I have been giving and giving, without getting anything in return. I did change my behavior a little bit since then. Sometimes I do push other people aside, I ignore them, or block their way if I wish (sounds rude, huh?) but it is just normal here and it helps to make the social contract fairer. I don’t feel so angry or discontent anymore when others push me aside or hit me with their bags.

Random picture five: A father bringing his three children "safely" to school

I guess it is up to society to choose which life it wants to live. I prefer giving up certain rights to live peaceful and in better harmony with others (with no spitting, pushing, pinching, grabbing, interrupting, etc). People here are content with the life they have. They never complain and they never claim any rights (which are two reasons for why there is also only little progress in the country). No one steps up, no one speaks up, and everyone simply accepts the status quo. (that's why the government is also able to continue to extend the time for the drafting of the constitution again and again.) 

I am looking forward to going home again and to living with people who obey the same social contract. The giving and taking will be fair and just at home and it will definitely make me feel happier ;)

I hope this blog helped you understand a little about how different life can be. We all live on the same planet yet people come to different arrangements and agreements. I know I am the outsider here and it is my “fault” to feel unhappy, discontent and unsatisfied. I do not blame the Nepalese; I simply wanted to share my thoughts about this topic with you!

Random picture Six: It's usually one child who wants
to take a picture with me; then all of them jump in!

Have a good start into the new week, and enjoy the weather! (The rainy season has now started and so we do not get too much sun anymore.)

Bye bye
Annika